Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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