Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
