why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
