I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
