Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You need Xanax blowdarts
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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