If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
do herpes really smell.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
