3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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