I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
