Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
