the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
