Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
