Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
