I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
