Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
