I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
