so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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