i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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