Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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