Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
