If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
