wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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