I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
