Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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