Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
