You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
