dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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