Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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