My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
