Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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