I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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