11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
