Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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