weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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