i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
