I think my vagina is haunted
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had sex on a roof
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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