too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
