Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
