I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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