weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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