I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
