im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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