Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
