ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
