dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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