Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
