they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
