Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
