I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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