You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
