He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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