dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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