Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
