Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
