please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
