What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
